Vongola High School's Columnist
by Tsunayoshi Uni Sawada
Summary: I'm the columnist for Vongola High School's weekly newspaper. This elite school abounds with hot, popular semes and cute, adorable ukes. Strangely enough, they still write to me for love advice. That's odd…  Rating may change later on. ON HIATUS
1. The Columnist

Chapter 1 – The Columnist

**Summary: I'm the columnist for Vongola High School's weekly newspaper. This elite school abounds with hot, popular semes and cute, adorable ukes. Strangely enough, they still write to me for love advice. That's odd…**

**Disclaimer: Katekyo Hitman Reborn does not belong to me! If it did, a lot of questions would be answered…**

**A/N: I'm so foolish to start another fic. But what the heck. I'm enjoying myself a lot. And I've always wondered what it would be like to be a columnist, since my mum's always telling me I should try writing for the newspapers. Ah well. Enjoy~!**

~Start of article~

It's a brand new term, all you peeps, and I'm sure you're all gearing up for it. After all, new subjects, new classmates, new teachers, new love interests.

That's right, love interests.

Fresh and new partners.

Anyway, let's get down to business. The first letter of the term has already been sent in, and as usual, it leaves me wondering why the person doesn't just write a drama about it…

_Dear Missy Aiko,_

_I'm having troubles with my love life. You see, my boyfriend (Let's call him ClamsPrimo) has been holding a cold war with me over a question asked by another guy (Let's call him Skylark) asked me what was my favorite treat ever. I answered "chocolate" and then he asked me if I wanted to suck on a nice big stick coated in chocolate. I found the question a little odd, but it sounded harmless enough, so I answered "ok". He then got this really weird rape expression and then all of a sudden my boyfriend came charging over and before I knew it he was yelling at me as to why I answered "ok" to Skylark's question._

_I didn't understand what was wrong, and ClamsPrimo got more irritated with mean and he stomped off and ever since then he's been giving me the silent treatment._

_I'm really confused. What have I done wrong? Please help me._

_-TenthSkye_

Well, now, wow. What did you think of that, readers? Anyway, here's my reply.

_Dear TenthSkye,_

_Take it easy. Your boyfriend's obviously mad at you, so he needs time to cool down. What I suggest is that you can use the "Third Party" method – get a mutual friend to strike up conversation between the three of you. Pick a safe topic – you won't want the conversation to wander to your boyfriend's source of anger! Most probably your boyfriend will be sullen and grumpy, but if he really loves you, he'll grab at the chance to talk to you again, since I'm guessing it's just his pride that's stopping him._

_Then when the conversation's in full flow, signal for the mutual friend to leave (making the necessary excuses of course) and then work things out from there, since no doubt the topic will turn to the burning matter in your boyfriend's mind when you two are alone. Don't rush things. And of course, stay away from Skylark._

_Like I always say, take it easy, take it slow._

_-Missy Aiko_

How did you like that, readers? Hopefully TenthSkye will be able to work things out with ClamsPrimo. Of course, he'll have to stay away from Skylark too, or else more sparks will fly.

Anyway, send in your letters by next week, and I'll reply to them in this column!

Enjoy your new term peeps!

_~End of article~_

**A/N: So… how was it? I chose the pseudonym "Missy Aiko" 'cuz I believe "Ai" in Japanese is "love", am I right? (Incidentally, it's the same for Mandarin.) I just added the "ko" to make it sound nicer. Reviews please!**


	2. Valentine's Day

Chapter 2 – Valentine's Day

**Summary: I'm the columnist for Vongola High School's weekly newspaper. This elite school abounds with hot, popular semes and cute, adorable ukes. Strangely enough, they still write to me for love advice. That's odd…**

**Disclaimer: Katekyo Hitman Reborn does not belong to me! If it did, a lot of questions would be answered…**

**A/N: Whoops, been some time since I updated. But either way, I'd like to make an announcement: TODAY'S MY BIRTHDAY! :3. 4 June desu. Just 5 days away from our favorite pineapple pedo's birthday. So I decided to upload all my fics at once today, and then go eat some cake or something.**

_~Start of article~_

It's Valentine's Day~ Chocolate, anyone? After all, love is in the air, peeps! (Not to mention plenty of love letters scrawled on toilet walls. Yuck.) I've been bombarded with roses, roses and more roses from my various readers. No chocolate however. That's sad. ):

Anyway, let's jump straight into the meat of the matter. Today we have a lovelorn letter, and when I read it, it leads me to suspect a lot of things…

_Dear Missy Aiko,_

_I am in love with someone. He's really nice and sweet to me, and I guess we would be counted as best friends, but he doesn't seem to understand my feelings for him. I love him so badly, but I can't be with him. Why? Because he already has a boyfriend!_

_What's worse, his boyfriend is really good-looking and possessive of VongolaBrunet (Let's call my crush that, shall we?). They've been going out for a while now, and it seems impossible to break them up (Although there was this big brouhaha over some chocolate-covered thing sometime back.)_

_I know it's cruel, but could you tell me how to get the guy I want? I want to know how to break VongolaBrunet and his boyfriend up. I'm sure I can be a much better and more understanding boyfriend._

**_I want him and will stop at nothing to get him._**

_-TrueFlameShimonTenth_

Oh drear. I feel so sorry for TrueFlameShimonTenth. And so horrified too, since he's asking me how to break up a perfectly happy couple! Well, well, well.

_Dear TrueFlameShimonTenth,_

_Holy sandwich, you sounded very passionate in your letter. And wow, wanting to break up a perfectly sound relationship? Well. Here goes then. But I warn you: __Through no fault of mine am I responsible for the chaos you are about to invoke._

_So here it is: First, start by sowing discord between VongolaBrunet and his boyfriend. In other words, make them suspect each other. Spread rumours and gossip around, amplify it, make it bigger than it actually is. Start a rumour like say: VongolaBrunet was seen making out with so-and-so. His boyfriend had slept with so-and-so. Spread it around. Put it on the Internet if you have to. All this must be done under the cover of anonymity of course._

_This will ultimately result in a strained relationship. Thus, this will render VongolaBrunet weak and vulnerable. Spend time with him. Make yourself far more attractive to him than his boyfriend. Convince him to try going out with you. Persuade. Beg. Coax. Do anything. And then let things snowball from there._

_Whatever happens, this is all through your own doing._

_-Missy Aiko_

Well, that's about all. My hand's tired. So, enjoy your Valentine's Day peeps!

_~End of article~_

**A/N: Oh, phew... Cake-time guys! XD.**


	3. Operation Desperation

Chapter 3 – Operation Desperation

**Summary: I'm the columnist for Vongola High School's weekly newspaper… This elite school abounds with hot, popular semes and cute, adorable ukes. Strangely enough, they still write to me for love advice. That's odd…**

**Disclaimer: Katekyo Hitman Reborn does not belong to me! If it did, a lot of questions would be answered…**

**A/N: Ah ah, my time for typing out fics is becoming lesser and lesser… I'm so ashamed T_T. I feel guilty towards you, my wonderful reviewers. *holds frying pan in one hand and a penknife in another* I should just kill myself! Uhu… Anyway, my responses to reviewers! Cuore l'anima della, you are absolutely 100% correct! TotalAmuto, sure I'll take your request. I'll be using it then~**

_~start or article~_

Let's jump straight to the letters, shall we, peeps? My hands are tired this week… T_T…

_Dear Missy Aiko,_

_What should I do? What can I do? My boyfriend is breaking up with me! I mean, yeah, we had this argument several weeks ago, and I haven't really spoken to him since, but I didn't think he'd break up with me! What am I supposed to do? I can't live without him! I can't… I just can't…_

_It's all that stupid redhead's fault! It was a redheaded boy who took away my cute boyfriend away from me! I hate him! I hate him! I'll kill him! While my little boyfriend wasn't looking, that stupid redhead swept in and carried my adorable uke off! I hate him! I hate him!_

_Help, please?_

_-AwesomeBlondeBoss_

…Wow. That was an even more passionate and out-of-control letter than the last one. Remember, peeps? Anyway, here's my reply.

_Dear AwesomeBlondeBoss,_

_Calm down. Before you do anything, CALM DOWN. Ask first why you allowed your boyfriend to be carried off by this… redhead. If perhaps you had not been neglecting your ah… uke so much, he wouldn't have broken up with you._

_Now, before you turn emo and start slashing your wrists with a butter knife! Wait! Stop! I am NOT blaming you. I repeat, I am NOT blaming you. What you must do, is corner your boyfriend and have a heart-to-heart talk with him. I'm thinking that your boyfriend is probably just going to the redhead as a rebound. I think he probably still has feelings for you. Invoke those feelings again. Show him why he fell for you in the first place. (And since he's your boyfriend, you know him better than I do, so you decide carefully what to do.) But don't overdo it! If you do, your bf will just run back to the redhead._

_-Missy Aiko_

Well, until next time peeps!

**AN: …rofl. Giotto is totally going out of control. First paragraph: sad and desperate. Second paragraph: Furious, angry and jealous. Third paragraph: sad and desperate again.**

**Reviews please!**


	4. Triple Baka

Chapter 4 – Triple Baka

**Summary: I'm the columnist for Vongola High School's weekly newspaper. This elite school abounds with hot, popular semes and cute, adorable ukes. Strangely enough, they still write to me for love advice. That's odd…**

**Disclaimer: Katekyo Hitman Reborn does not belong to me! If it did, a lot of questions would be answered…**

**A/N: …the last time I updated was in 2011. Oh dear. I've probably lost all my readers by now. Never mind! I shall persevere and hopefully I can get new readers. Okay, responses to reviewers (even if they are no longer here to read them…)**

**EK12: Er… write in as Tsuna…? Hm, I'm not really sure… could you PM me and tell me what you want to write?**

**Cuore l'anima della: Awesome seer power…? Haha. Who's purssia? Awww. You don't like G27? You prefer 0027? That's okay I guess, I like 0027 too. I'm not really sure who I should pair Tsuna up with in the end though… Giotto? Hibari? Enma? Thanks for your review, though!**

**10th Squad 3rd Seat: You know, I've always wanted to ask you… why is your name like that? What does it mean? Just out of curiousity… and yeah, it's Giotto and Tsuna. Yup, Tsuna ran off to Enma, because Enma looks like such a nice dude (even though he's a yandere)**

**Kichou: Um, thanks.**

**TotalAmuto: I know right?**

**shii san: Thank you! I'm glad someone likes this story so much! I'm glad I made your day! Your review made my day too. And yes, I'll try my best to keep up the work.**

**vanillabeast: Yes, I will continue. Don't worry.**

Dear Missy Aiko,

Help me! I'm currently hiding under the table in the science lab with my laptop and typing to you. The reason why I'm hiding is because I… kinda… kissed my friend the other day. My friend (let's call him RedHeadCatLover) started acting really weird last week. I mean, I took your advice and tried to talk to ClamsPrimo using your 'third party method' and it was actually starting to work, but then all of a sudden, his phone beeped. He read the message on his phone and his face got really angry. He started shouting at me about stuff like "I can't believe you made out with Skylark!" and I got really confused. He kept shouting about how I had 'betrayed' him and then he stomped off.

Afterwards, I went to check my phone and I saw that someone was spreading a chain message to the entire school. The message went like this:

_Gossip alert! TenthSkye seen with Skylark in hot make-out session!_

I got the shock of my life. I haven't even GONE near Skylark in the past few weeks. Who was spreading this terrible rumor? Who would do this to me? I don't have any enemies that I can think of… so anyway, I got really upset, and then RedHeadCatLover came up to comfort me. He was acting a little weird; it was like he suddenly got a lot more… dominant. But he was still very nice to me and he bought me food and gifts to cheer me up. And then one day, when I was feeling especially upset about ClamsPrimo, he said: "Forget about him… come with me." I got shocked and I didn't know how to reply, and then he just suddenly leaned forward and kissed me.

Someone MUST have seen us, because the next thing I know, ClamsPrimo and Skylark are coming after me.

ClamsPrimo was especially pissed at me because I have been spending a lot of time with RedHeadCatLover for the past few weeks, and I think a lot of people assumed that I had broke up with ClamsPrimo and was going out with RedHeadCatLover. That's not true! We're just friends! And now, ClamsPrimo is really, really mad at me. I'm not sure why Skylark is also chasing after me, but he looked so scary I just had to run!

So please help m- OH SHIT THEY'RE COMING GOTTA GO.

-TenthSkye

* * *

><p>Dear Missy Aiko,<p>

Hi there. It's me, AwesomeBlondeBoss again. I did what you told me, and I tried to invoke my boyfriend's (let's call him CuteTuna) feelings again when he came to talk to me the other day. I think he wants to get back together with me, too, because he seemed to be trying to talk about the whole chocolate thing. I was just about to ask him to go on a date with me so we could sort things out when my phone got a message. It was one of those dumb chain-mail things. I was just about to delete it, when I saw the words _Gossip alert! _I read on, and my blood started to boil. I lost my temper and started yelling at CuteTuna. I couldn't stand it anymore so I ran off. I ignored CuteTuna for awhile (he ran off to TenthShimonKid again!). Next thing I know, my phone receives a picture of CuteTuna and that darn redhead (let's call him TenthShimonKid) kissing! I got so angry I went to confront CuteTuna about TenthShimonKid.

When I went up to him, I started asking him about TenthShimonKid, and then all of a sudden TonfaFreak (the guy who was involved in the chocolate argument I had with CuteTuna sometime back) appeared and CuteTuna screamed and ran away.

Arghhhhh! Why did TonfaFreak have to appear? I just wanted to talk to CuteTuna and clear up things. Ugh! And then that darn TenthShimonKid keeps hanging around CuteTuna, I can't seem to go near my lovely boyfriend at all.

Now I'm typing this to you on my phone while figuring out where CuteTuna ran off to. TonfaFreak's looking for him too (that jerk) but I swear I'll find CuteTuna first!

Help me! How do I sort this mess out!

-AwesomeBlondeBoss

(Oh wait! I hear some sounds coming from the science lab!)

* * *

><p>Dear Missy Aiko,<p>

YOUR PLAN WORKED! I managed to get VongolaBrunet and the other guy (let's call him CapesAreCool) to get into another argument. They were just about to make up when my chain mail landed in CapesAreCool's phone inbox. Then CapesAreCool started shouting at VongolaBrunet and VongolaBrunet came running to me. He looked so sad so I comforted him and then he looked so… vulnerable… so I kissed him. Damn, it was worth it, even after he pushed me away. I wanted to make him mine, so I kissed him again, and this time I was a little bit more forceful.

Bad news is, VongolaBrunet didn't seem very happy, and he said stuff about "we're just friends" and "I still love my boyfriend". Then he ran off. Afterwards, I heard that he was being chased by CapesAreCool and the other guy that was involved in the chocolate brouhaha (let's call him SadisticPrefect). I decided to go and find him too. Unlike CapesAreCool and SadisticPrefect, I know exactly where VongolaBrunet is.

He's in the science lab.

-TrueFlameShimonTenth

P.S.: Therefore, the only advice I want to ask from you is how to get VongolaBrunet away from CapesAreCool. Permanently.

**A/N: The chapter title is taken from a Vocaloid song. I thought it suited this chapter very well.**

**Also, from now on I will only be typing Tsuna and co.'s letters. I will not be typing my replies because I'm pretty sure nobody wants to read that. So whatever advice I give, you will only know what advice it is when you read their letters, because I will no longer be typing out my replies. **

**Anyway, reviews please. Otherwise I'll get Enma to go into yandere mode and come after you. With a chainsaw. BWAHAHAHA~**


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